The door goes, you answer it, but there’s no need to say any pleasantries, just wait for the dinner table! Let your guests come in quietly and awkwardly. Make them sit down and stay in silence until dinner is served. Then as soon as you serve the starter, a great big hullabaloo of ey up ducks, hellos, what’s ups, bonjours and what are you doing heres can emanate from the dining room.

Ey Up Duck (whoops, almost did a typo there) is a witty, titty plate, especially when you’re serving chicken and not duck. Oh how we laughed!

These tits are a little sensitive, so handle with care.

Ey Up Duck side plate specifications

• Material: Ceramic
• Colour: White, yellow
• Dimensions: 8inch
• Must be hand washed and handled with care
• Product Code: AW1-5060931561341